


Deep Within

by AllMyTomorrows



Category: Wynonna Earp - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/F, Fluff, High School AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, bond between two friends, cuteness, self harm warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 06:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyTomorrows/pseuds/AllMyTomorrows
Summary: Nicole was kicked out of her home and forced to move across the country all because of who she loved. This took a tole on her and a tole on her body. But people start to notice the long sleeves and hidden changes. Waverly Earp is one of theses people. Yet she persists, she wants to help.What happens when something terrible happens and Nicole pushes closer to the rabbit hole.





	1. Two Years

**Author's Note:**

> I know that this is a problem faced by lots of people and i know just how hard it can be. I hope i have done this justice in showing how people are not alone through this, even if it's the person who they ;east expect or never know. That there is always someone willing to help. That after all the darkness light will shine through.
> 
> If anyone feels like they need someone to talk to about anything, i'm only a message away.

Two whole years, Nicole had been at this school two whole years and she’d got away with it, got away with no body asking her why she wore long shirts or never got changed in the changing roomers with the rest of the girls. Why she insisted on wearing a long sleeve under her basketball jersey. Honestly she thanks the gods that it’s because they all think it’s part of being a lesbian. She’s the only one in the school and everyone just shoves her into these stereotypes, and honestly she’s ok with that. 

 

Two years was a long time, but Waverly Earp, the smartest girl in school just happens to waltz up to her one day. Nicole was alone on a bench next to the football field, reading through the latest book for her chemistry class. “Why do you wear long sleeves, it the middle of summer” She asks. “Didn’t you hear? That’s what lesbians do” She says not looking up. 

 

Waverly huffs “That’s a stupid rumour everyone believes but i don’t. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you have to give yourself heat stroke from those damn clothes right?” Nicole stands grabbing her bag and her book, “You’ve spoken to me a grand total of eight times in two years, why on earth would i tell you all my secrets?” Nicole says before pushing past the girl heading back into the building crowded of people. 

 

“Well that was rude” Waverly mutters to herself before walking in the same direction. 

 

Over the next three weeks Waverly asks two more times, both times getting completely shut down but the woman. “If you don’t want to tell me why not just make up some excuse, why not think of a way to get me off your back and not just tell me?”Waverly demands barging into the locker rooms where she saw Nicole walk into, knowing it would be empty on a Friday after school. “Why should i have to bother? Why can’t you just accept that i’m not telling you because it’s not your business.” 

 

“Chap said on your first week here you went to that party and got drunk and got a tattoo you want to hide. Pete says it’s casue at that part he bit scars into your arm while he fucked you…. I know you’re gay but that doesn’t mean you haven’t fucked a guy right? I just wanna know if either of the did something to you, if you are hiding it because of them.” She says concerned. 

 

“First of all, ew. Second of all, why would this be coming out now instead of back when it would have supposedly happened.? Thirdly, what the hell makes you think guys should scar a girl with his teeth?” She laughs. Waverly looks down at the last one. “Wait, back up, do you? I know people leave marks on others but have you been scared?” Waverly continues to look at the floor. “It’s what all the guys do to pleasure thier girls” She says. Nicole’s face turns to concern “These is a difference between pain and pleasure waves” The use of the nickname has waverley looking back up. 

 

“Where you? Waverly Were you?” Nicole asks gently putting her hand on her shoulder. Waverly takes the girl’s hand in her own. “I’ll tell you everything, i’ll show you everything. Just let me move this, even halfway to your elbow. Then i’ll tell you it all?” Waverly says, Nicole keeps her hand in waverly’s, looking into the girl’s eyes. 

 

Slowly, very slowly Waverly pulls the fabric up the girl’s arm, revealing white marks edged deep into her skin. Lines marking the girls arms, some old and some more recent. Still old enough not to be bloody but healed over and raised above the skin. Waverly can’t help the gasp that escapes her mouth, her arm wasn’t completely covered, waverly would guess above 30 marks. 

 

Nicole yanks her arm back. “Show me! Show me where he hurt you” She says calm steady voice. Waverly untucks her shirt and undoes her jeans, watching Nicole’s face. She was begging to take off some clothes in front of a lesbian, but she just watches, eyes full of worry. Waverly uncovers hier hip showing the 7 little scars, all the in the distinctive shape of teeth. 

 

They looked old. “Is that it?” Nicole asked. Waverly nods “He insisted that it was him marking what was his, obviously after he had already done it. The only other scar i have is when i fell off my bike and broke my arm, i had to have pins for weeks, i still have the little lines of where the blots were in me.” Waverly says doing her clothes back up as she spoke. 

 

Nicole looked angry “He didn’t ask you?” she says voice deeper. Waver saw the marks but didn’t know why nicole did them, was it through pain? Anger? Distress? “It’s fine, i dumped him, he has about 3 STD’s now so karma got him i guess” Waverly say’s. Nicole smirks a little at the mention of an STD. “Would you be mad if you were told tomorrow that a certain Champ hardy was punched by the freakish dyke?” Nicole asked. “One, you are not a freak, you are normal and you are nerdy who is extremely smart, you might be a lesbian but that doesn’t define you. Two, yes because it would mean that you would be suspended over something that happened two years ago and i’m over it now.” 

 

“Why do you do it?” Waverly asked calmly, sitting on the bench, trying to make herself seem more small so Nicole would feel more safe. “I’ve been here two years, most kids move schools because their parents get new jobs. My parents kicked me out with nothing but a bus ticket and a toothbrush.” She says, then grabs her bag leaving. 

 

She had answered the questions, but not completely, some of those were more than 2 years old and Waverly knew it. But she wasn’t going to push, and wasn’t going to ask why. 


	2. Breaking point

Over the next two weeks Waverly sat by Nicole in every class they took, talking about anything and everything. 

 

During one very dull history lesson Waverly had taken to doodling on the back of her phone case, boredom hitting her hard. After running out of space on her phone case, her pencil case, her left hand. She reaches over and takes Nicole’s hand, pulling it close. Nicole instantly stiffens, worried what was happening. Then relaxes slightly when she sees waverly begging to draw a rose. Looking back towards the tutor Nicole leaves Waverly to doodle away, her own mind drifting on all the ways she could escape this room, thinking about earthquakes and the apocalypse of bees. 

 

When the bell rings for the end of class she springs back to reality, looking down to see what crazy things waverly had drawn. But her heart stops, her mind begins to race when she sees her shirt had been pushed up well past her wrist and Waverly’s pen was adding patterns to her skin. Her scars were on show. But only the ones Waverly hadn’t reached yet, The small brunette had completely covered the majority of Nicole’s arm in roses and butterflies, a unicorn, a few wolfs, a stick man (she wasn’t sure how that found it’s way in either) The girl had turns Nicole's dark pass into sweet sweet art. 

 

“Scars show all the battles we have faced a won, all the pain we have endured and conquered. I think they are beautiful because they show we are alive. You might not like yours but now maybe you’ll be able to look at them for the next few hours and see what i see.” Waverly says pulling the stunned girls shirt back down before grabbing her bag and heading to find Chrissy for lunch. 

 

Nicole skipped her next two lessons, heading straight home after what Waverly had done. She lay on her bed, tears in her eyes, looking down at her arm. Fingers tracing the many of things that had been drew onto her skin. 

 

Waverly panics when Nicole isn’t in the rest of her lessons. The next day she waits in the parking lot for nicole to be dropped off. “I’m sorry! I over stepped and i regret it. Please don’t hate me, i screwed up our friendship and i’m so so sorry” She blurts out not giving Nicole time to breath. Seconds later arms are wrapped around her “Thank you” Nicole says quietly as she hugs the smaller woman. It takes Waverly a few seconds to hug back out of pure shock. 

 

“It meant a lot that you tried to help” She smiles she she pulls back. Waverly can see the pen still on Nicoles hand and disappearing up under the wrist of her shirt. “Always”. With that they walk into school together, talking happily. 

 

Months go by and the two girls become great friends, studying for their final exams together. Waverly would often draw over the scars, she said it was because she was bored and that she was determined to make nicole smile. But it was also her way of checking, of making sure nothing new had appeared on the skin. To her relief the only new cut was made by a paper plane that skimmed past her hand, waverly saw it happen. Nicole laughed at the incident, knowing the plane had come all the way across the room, she smiles as she threw it back. 

 

But Waverly frowns as she watches Nicole act like it was normal to have blood pouring from her body. It’s in that moment she decided to make it her personal mission to do everything she can to help her new friend. 

 

And that’s what waverly does, she’s makes sure she always talks positive, and always smiles, she would always message her on weekends. 

 

This was probably the first real friend Nicole had. Did it help that said friend was a literal angel? No no it didn’t because she was most definitely developing a little crush on the girl. 

 

In the locker room’s at lunch by herself. She had gotten a phone call, telling her that her grandmother had passed away, that her father won’t let her go to the funeral. And that broke her down again. She loved her grandmother more than anything, the woman took her in when she was first kicked out before she moved out here to live with her Uncle and his girfriend. 

 

So that’s why she ended up sat in the showers of her school, fully clothed, sleeves of her shirt pulled up. Blade in her hand. That’s how Waverly found her, water running over her body, red running down the drain. Two marks upon her left arm, blade digging in to make a third. Waverly drops her books and her bag and her coffee with a thud, running and sliding in front of the girl, boiling water now covering her too. “Nicole, Nicole look at me” She says not touching the girl. 

 

Nicole stops the blade, it still pressed into her skin. Looking up to waverly, makeup running down her face. “She d-died… h..he won’t … won’t let me ….go “ She says between sobs “I need...need to feel.. Anything b-but this” 

 

Waverly is thinking of all the ways to get the blade off her, Nicole said anything right? With a deep breath she takes the leap and leans forward crashing her lips against Nicole’s. She knows Nicole is in a bad place and she shouldn’t but it’s also the only thing she things will stunning the girl long enough for her to take the blade. 

 

She won’t lie, she isn’t sure how she managed to get the blade out of her hands without hurting either of them anymore, but she tosses it across the room as far as she can. Pulling away from Nicole, wrapping her arms around the taller girl and pulling her close. “I got you, don’t worry. I’ve got you” she whispers as the girl cries into her shirt. Nicole pleads for help, she cries and repeats waverlys name. The girls sit there long after the water has stopped, long after Nicole is just dry sobbing, no tears left in her eyes. Waverly constantly telling her that it’s going to be ok. 

 

“You stay right there ok, i’m gonna get something and wrap your arm you” Nicole doesn’t want to let go, Waverly is the only thing grounding her right now. “Don’t leave” she begs. “I’m just going to my bag” she knows that won’t work, she she takes Nicole’s hand and pulls her up, taking her with her. She makes her sit on the bench as Waverly kneels in front of her, pulling a mini first aid kit out of her bag. She was a planner who like to help people, just last week she helps an old lady who fell, putting a plaster on her knee. 

 

She carefully cleans the wounds, very gently wrapping them up. “You should get them checked, that blade didn’t look the cleanest.” Nicole just nods, unable to speak. “Can i used your phone? Going to call your uncle to come pick you up ok?” She says reaching for Nicole’s bag.  The girl doesn’t move to stop her, just bows her head even deeper. 

 

20 minutes later and Nicole is on her way how with her uncle who had very nicely brought some of Nicole’s clothes that Waverly could borrow since hers were wet. Waverly hadn’t asked. “You said it was in the showers and i don’t want you canting a cold” He had said, pretty sure it was she way of thanking her for helping his girl. 

 

Waverly sat in class, ¾ trousers that hung to her ankles, a hoodie that hung halfway to her knees. Sleeves turned over so she could actually find her hands. Mind on nothing but Nicole. Not only was her friend in trouble but Waverly had also just kissed her first girl. 


	3. On the mend

Half way through one of her classes Waverly heard some of the boys behind her talking, trying to keep quiet but not really working. “It’s massive on her, isn’t that like a girl’s way of prancing around they have  boyfriend by stealing his clothes?” one asks the other gasps. “I’m not like a girl expert but any girl i’ve been with has stolen a hoodie with in two days… We should tell Champ..It’s not champ right?” 

 

She cold turn and argue but she doesn’t really feel like saying where she got the hoodie from. Instead she sinks deeper into her chair, great full she had the clothes that would work as a perfect excuse to visit nicole and as how she was. 

 

So that’s what she did going straight home after school and washing the clothes, changing into her own skinny jeans and a crop top. Getting in her jeep and driving over. She took a few deep breaths before knocking on the door. “IT’S OPEN” she hears a male yell from inside. She had been here once before when she drove Nicole to pick up a text book she had forgotten before class. 

 

“Mr Haught, I brought the clothes back” She says walking into the kitchen. “Ah Waverly, I’m sorry i didn’t get to thank you properly for what you did for Nicole, i’m happy that she finally has a friend. It’s nice to put a face to the name  keep hearing all about… I can see how she’s changed since you came into her life. We aren't blind we know what she does, and we do everything we can to help but i can see how lonely she is… Every time she would do it we’d find her hours later nursing her cuts and crying. Since you, we haven't found her once.” He tries to explain, clearly worried for her. 

 

“Can i see her?” She asks. “Shes round the side on her porch swing, it’s her favorite place to think. Let me whip up some cocoa and you can sit with her” He says walking to grab some mugs. Minutes later Waverly is walking towards the redhead. “Nicole” she says softly. “I brought you cocoa”.  Nicole looks up, eyes red and puffy from crying, buried in a hoodie too big for her. Waverly can see the unspoken gratitude in Nicole's eyes as she takes the mug. 

 

Both sit in silence on the swing, looking out as the sun begins to set. It’s waverly who breaks the silence first. “I’m sorry” She blurts out. “For what? You stopped me doing something crazy” Nicole says burying herself deeper in the hoodie. “For kissing you, i was the first thing i thought of that wouldn’t cause you to push it deeper or something. I know i shouldn’t have done it but i just had to do something. I’m sorry” Nicole is pretty sure Waverly had Eminem beat at talking fast. “It’s ok. I’m grateful you helped. I’m sorry you had to see me like that” She blushes looking down. 

 

“I’m sorry about your nan” Waverly says sympathetically as her body begins to shiver from the cold night's air. “We are going to have our own little funeral for her here. I’m sad that she’s gone but i know it’s for the best. She had gotten quite ill recently” She says looking at the girl next to her who was shaking like crazy. 

 

Waverly hates the cold, Nicole knows this, but here she was in her ridiculous clothes shivering like crazy all because she was being a good friend. “Gods you must be freezing” she says pulling her own jumper off and holding it to the girl. “Don’t be crazy” waverly sasy teeth chattering. “I recall you saying you sleep with four blankets plus a bonus blanket, i think you need it” Nicole could offer to go inside, but this was where she sat when she needed to be calm and she wasn’t quite there yet. 

 

With a nod Waverly takes the jumper and pulls it over her head, sighing as it was still warm from being on Nicole’s body, smelling like the girl. Nicole smiles as Waverly practically vanishes under the huge jumper. 

 

Another half an hour passes before Waverly gently reaches out running her hand over the back of Nicole’s, for once the older girl had her sleeve rolled up, clearly not fitting with the bandage. “Nic? Can we maybe go inside so i can change this for you?” Waverly says pointing out some blood had seeped through and was staining her bandage. “Or i’ll bring it out her if you don’t want to go in. Just please let me change it” Her voice was soft and sweet and so caring. Nicole just nods and stands, shuffling towards the house. 

 

She seets at the kitchen table and point to where the first aid kit is. Once getting it waverly lays it on the table. Kneeling in front of Nicole before slowly beginning to remove the bandage. Giving Nicole the chance to stop her whenever - if ever - she wanted too, or felt it was too much. Thankfully she just sat there, looking at her lap as she let waverly remove the bandage. 

 

“You know i don’t really remember much about my mum but i do remember that i was a clumsy kid. Whenever i would fall and hurt myself, she’d sit me down in the kitchen, give me some coco and clean me up. Every time i got hurt she would always say ‘Dark days are necessary, just as important as the rest. Because if we didn’t have the worst we wouldn’t appreciate the good’ Then she’d kiss my head, stand me back up, and brush me off” Waverly says all while cleaning and redressing Nicole’s arm. 

 

Waverly looks up and see’s Nicole crying “Shit i’m sorry” She panics. “No - no waves it’s ok… it’s really sweet… thank you for patching me up” She smiles and yawns. “Sorry it’s been a long day, i promise i’m not bored of you” Nicole smiles weakly. Waverly smiles “It’s fine i should be going, Wynonna will being to worry”. 

 

Nicole walks her to the door and watches as Waverly drives off. “She’s nice” Her uncle says from behind her making her jump. “Yeah she really is” she smiles closing the door. “Go on i can see you’re tired, Calamity is already asleep on your bed. I sear all that fur ball does is sleep” He laughs. “Thank you. Goodnight” Nicole says before crawling to her room, asleep before her head hit’s the pillow. 


	4. Heart in your hands

Waverly had stepped out of her truck at school the next day just as Nicole’s uncle dropped her off. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be at home? Sleeping?” She says. Nicole goes to answer but stops when she see’s what waverly was wearing “Is that my jumper?” She questions. “Shit” Waverly had only put it on while she got ready, oving the way it smelt and baggy material completely covered her body, she had forgotten to take it off. “Sorry i - i …” she had no idea what to say. “It’s fine i don’t mind… I’m here because i’m useless sat at home on my own bored out of my mind. The distractions help. Plus uncle has a big work thing and won’t be home till tomorrow and Cindy is in Europe. He would normally cancel but this could lose him his job” They had started to walk at this point. “And i kind of told him that i wouldn’t be alone, that you’d stay round. This is important to him, i can’t have him miss it because of me” 

 

“Only if we order pizza” Waverly smiles “What?” Nicole asks extremely confused. “I’m only gonna stay if we get pizza, it’s sleepover 101 and i refuse to not have it” She laughs. “Waverly you don’t have too just because i said that you are.” Nicole feels bad. “I’ve never been to a sleepover before, so i’m definitely coming now, you’re not getting rid of me that easy. Besides you didn’t say no to pizza which means we are going to stuff our faces” She smiles happily walking into class. 

 

Nicole isn’t exactly sure how, and doesn’t really know when it happened. But she was sat on her couch, feet on the coffee table, empty pizza boxes and star wars playinng on the TV. That wasn’t the surprising part, no the surprising part was the girl who had her legs thrown over her lap. Waverly joked about not needing a coffee table when she was small enough to get away with using other people as foot rests, putting her legs on Nicole to prove it, then just not moving them off. Nicole had been lost in her own thought, so when she turned back to look at the girl and had found Waverly had pulled nicole’s hand into her lap and her shirt sleeve up her arm, tracing the scars as she was engrossed in the movie. 

 

She couldn’t really compute exactly what was happening but it felt good, it felt safe. Waverly wasn’t judging her, or laughing or running away. In fact Nicole is sure Waverly doesn’t even know she’s done it, that her subconscious is there as a comforting friend. She feels a little twang in her chest at that, her crush suddenly growing more. 

 

By the time the movie ended Waverly had fallen asleep, hands around Nicole’s arm. Nicole watches her for a while, this is the closest she’s ever gotten to a girl like this. To a girl who had worn her jumper all day, who had changed from jeans to comfy leggings, hear up in a bun. So soft and peaceful as she slept. 

 

Nicole gently shakes Waverly awake. Telling her that she’d fallen asleep and it was late they should go to bed. Waverly follows Nicole up the stairs, falling face first onto Nicole’s double bed as soon as she enters the room. “I’m no expert but i think tha

ats where your feet go not your head” nicole laughs at the sight ow sleepy waverly. Nicole grabs her pajamas and heads to the bathroom changing quickly. Walking back out to find Waverly had gotten rid of the jumper leaving her in just a sports bra, had changed her leggings for bright blue shorts with little unicorns on them. 

 

“Shit” waverly curses, she was hunched over her bag looking through it. “What’s wrong?” Nicolle questions. Nicole had shorts on too, but still a long sleeve shirt, her legs were clean, it’s just her arms that weren't. “I always forget something, this time it’s a pajama shirt” She says cheeks turning red. “Here” Nicole says going to a draw and pulling out a shirt that had the big bang theory logo on it. “Thanks” waverly says pulling it on, it hung well past her shorts. 

 

“Which side?” Nicole asks. “I have a single bed so i sleep in the middle, you pick” Waverly smiles playing with the hem of her shirt. Nicole moves and lays down on the far side of the bed, Waverly following shortly after, crawling under the covers. “Fuck this is comfy” Waverly mumbles eyes already closed. Nicole can’t help but look at her with a huge smile on her face. 

 

\-----

 

Six months later they are sat at a coffee shop, waverly with some big fancy drink, nicole just having a hot chocolate. Both girls looking down at Nicoles arm on the table in front of them. IT was wrapped in clingfilm, slightly obstructing the view of the fresh art that had been drawn on her skin. Waverly had designed and paid for it. Nicole had gone 6 months without self harming and Waverly couldn’t be more proud. At the rough times when she had come a little close waverly would take her arm and draw on it, Nicole simply refused to damage anything waverly put. But she found that colouring in the art also helped her become more calm. 

 

So not her left arm was covered in black ink, some full images some just outlines, all covering the scars.  “Will you draw something for the other too?” Nicole asks looking down at her exposed arm. Ever since Waverly she’s had the courage to wear short sleeves. Ever since she got to walk around holding Waverlys hand, she never cared much about what people thought of her scars. To start with she would tense but then waverly would squeeze a little tighter and rub her thumb against nicole's hand, pressing a kiss to her cheek. And everything would slip away. 

 

She was 19 years old with arms that had stories for days. WIth a girlfriend who had eyes of kindness, a heart of gold and always smelt like cotton candy. 

 

Nicoles Uncle was offered a job 4 hours away meaning she would be moving. It started off as hell, but then she was told by her bubbly little girlfriend that it meant Nicole was now only 10 minutes from the college Waverly was at. Nicole was taking a year out to train and gain knowledge and get herself back to normal before applying to be a cop. 

 

Ever since she stopped cutting Waverly had stayed around a lot, her uncle causet on they were seeing each other pretty quickly after that. But he didn’t refuse to let waverly stay or to kick them out. Instead he smiles “At least she tidies up, and she doesn’t even live here… well not technically” He had jokes. 

 

Nicole was excited to move when she found out that her new home would means he gets a loft bedroom with its own bathroom. But what shocked her about it most was when her uncle continued to talk about it. “I know your girlfriend struggles with money and is putting everything she has into going to college. But we live 10 minutes away from where she needs to go. Tell her that if she would like, and if she contributes a little towards food she is more than welcome to move in. I know you’re only kids but that girl, she’s made you comfortable to wear fucking short sleeves Nic, i know you want her as close as possible.” 

 

So that’s how they got their happy ending, sure the story was messy and full of bumps. But Nicole woke up every morning to find Waverly in her arms. Got pillows thrown at her and yelled at for leaving dirty socks on the floor because they “Stuck up the whole room”. Sure not everything was sunshine and rainbows, they had their moments. But every time it would end up with ‘I love you’s and cuddles in bed. No matter what happened they ended up in each other’s arms. 

 

They found home and hope in each other. 


End file.
